Do I look Bovvered?
Eileen is so lazy if she was a man she would spend a whole day crying because she was sitting on her balls and was too lazy to move.
The woman drives me mad. Yesterday I found her sweltering, tomato faced and virtually melting into her easy chair wearing a knitted pullover topped with a stout cardigan.
Eileen: Oh, I’m so hot. [Said in breathy Marilyn Monroe voice, while pitifully waving hand in front of face in manner of beauty pageant queen]
Me: Well, that’s probably because it’s 19’C outside and you have the heating on and two jumpers.
Eileen: I know. [Breathy Marilyn sigh]. It’s just that I was too lazy to take this cardigan off. Although, I thought about it.
Me: [Yanking off cardigan with alarming alacrity, my cheerfulness hurting my cheeks] Well, perhaps next time you should save yourself from roasting, or at least call me; I’m in the next room.
Eileen: I know, I thought about calling out, but I couldn’t be bothered.
Me: [Folding up offending cardigan, sense of humour draining with each passing minute] Ok, I’ll put this in your room. Do you need anything else?
Eileen: Huh?
Me: DO-YOU-NEED-ANYTHING-ELSE? WHERE-IS-YOUR-HEARING-AID? [Said in loud manner of Americans trying to speak to non-English speakers i.e. each word increasing a decibel, accompanied by excessive gesticulation in the direction of my ear]
Eileen: Oh, um, that…I couldn’t be bothered to put it in.
Me: Right I’ll go and find it. [Striding off purposefully towards door].
Eileen: Oh, before you go could you put the Telly on?
Me: [Glancing over shoulder notice remote is touching Eileen’s right hand] Why don’t you use the remote?
Eileen: Don’t know where it is. [Making no attempt whatsoever to look for bleeding thing]
Me: That's funny, I can see it next to your right hand…
Eileen: [Looking down at remote as though seeing it for the first time]. Well, so it is…I couldn’t be bothered to look for it.
Seriously? I’ve met stoned teenage boys with more energy and enthusiasm. Guess I’ll have to put it on my bovvered list.
The woman drives me mad. Yesterday I found her sweltering, tomato faced and virtually melting into her easy chair wearing a knitted pullover topped with a stout cardigan.
Eileen: Oh, I’m so hot. [Said in breathy Marilyn Monroe voice, while pitifully waving hand in front of face in manner of beauty pageant queen]
Me: Well, that’s probably because it’s 19’C outside and you have the heating on and two jumpers.
Eileen: I know. [Breathy Marilyn sigh]. It’s just that I was too lazy to take this cardigan off. Although, I thought about it.
Me: [Yanking off cardigan with alarming alacrity, my cheerfulness hurting my cheeks] Well, perhaps next time you should save yourself from roasting, or at least call me; I’m in the next room.
Eileen: I know, I thought about calling out, but I couldn’t be bothered.
Me: [Folding up offending cardigan, sense of humour draining with each passing minute] Ok, I’ll put this in your room. Do you need anything else?
Eileen: Huh?
Me: DO-YOU-NEED-ANYTHING-ELSE? WHERE-IS-YOUR-HEARING-AID? [Said in loud manner of Americans trying to speak to non-English speakers i.e. each word increasing a decibel, accompanied by excessive gesticulation in the direction of my ear]
Eileen: Oh, um, that…I couldn’t be bothered to put it in.
Me: Right I’ll go and find it. [Striding off purposefully towards door].
Eileen: Oh, before you go could you put the Telly on?
Me: [Glancing over shoulder notice remote is touching Eileen’s right hand] Why don’t you use the remote?
Eileen: Don’t know where it is. [Making no attempt whatsoever to look for bleeding thing]
Me: That's funny, I can see it next to your right hand…
Eileen: [Looking down at remote as though seeing it for the first time]. Well, so it is…I couldn’t be bothered to look for it.
Seriously? I’ve met stoned teenage boys with more energy and enthusiasm. Guess I’ll have to put it on my bovvered list.
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