Depression by proxy

I think I’m suffering from depression by proxy. Eileen’s morbid state of depression is not lessening despite her twice daily quaffage of ‘happy pills’ – if it continues any longer I may start stealing her drugs.

The worst thing about her depression is that it is followed by retellings of how she dutifully looked after her father (Parkinsons), mother (general decreptitude followed by pneumonia) and finally her sister (cancer). Now they’ve all died and left her alone and it’s very unfair. And yes it is unfair and traumatic and my heart goes out to Eileen, at least it did the first 3 times I heard these tales over the dinner table. They’re now a part of our routine following a predictable pattern:

Eileen: Sigh. [Head slumps down onto chest, looks up to see if I’m watching] Sigh.

Me: [Studiously folding napkin in lap, hoping to get out of room before saga begins]

Eileen: Sigh…Oh..sigh…Dear…sigh…

Me: Sigh. [Putting on sympathy face] What’s up? Are you alright?

Eileen: I’m fine…sigh…it’s nothing…sigh….

Me: Ah, well in that case…[starting to alight from chair]

Eileen: It’s just. Sigh. I don’t know why I feel so sad. Sigh. It’s like a wave of sadness washes over me. Sigh. [Looking very hang dog staring at hands folded on tabletop]

Me: [Stern resolve crumbling] Oh, I’m sure it’s very normal, you’re just not getting out much..per…

Eileen: [Not listening to me, cuts me off - in full flight now] Sigh. It’s just so unfair of them to leave me….

And then we’re off and for the next 15 minutes we go through retellings of how she dutifully looked after her father (Parkinsons), mother (general decreptitude followed by pneumonia) and finally her sister (cancer). Now they’ve all died and left her alone and it’s very unfair. And yes it is unfair and traumatic and my heart goes out to Eileen, at least it did the first 3 times I heard these tales over the dinner table…Oh, sorry have you heard that before?

Truly the most exciting thing to happen to Eileen in the last 10 years was her heart operation and if I have to hear about that lovely Egyptian surgeon and how he came to call and "he’d come straight for San Francisco – where it was raining and he threw his raincoat over the chair. Isn’t that funny he just threw his raincoat over the chair" I WILL SCREAM.

Now where did she put those anti-depressants?