Keeping the Love Alive

Here is another choice conversation had with the Husband (see Sounds of Mastication), just another way in which we keep the love alive:

Me: [Ringing Husband on way out the house to do Eileen's shopping at approximately 11.00am] Morning Darling, how are you?

Husband: Hii-iii, fine. How you? [Said in sexy groggy frog morning voice]

Me: Oh, fine. Whatcha doin’? [See how pedestrian married morning conversations are]

Husband: Nothing! [Pronounced very sharply and quickly, instantly arousing suspicion]

Me: HUS-BAND? What are you up to?

Husband: Me? Nothing. Why would I ever be up to anything?

Me: Because you’re always up to something, generally no good. Are you still in bed?

Husband: What? Still in my scratcher at this time of day! What do you take me for? I’m a changed man baby.

Me: Are you on the computer? Looking at oh, I don’t know, findafishingboat.com?

Husband: Damn, how did you know?

Me: Call it a sixth sense. Now [putting on my business voice] listen, I need to talk to you…

Husband: Oh, baby I have to go…

Me: Go where?

Husband: I have to GO! I’m turtling here.

Me: Oh, wait a mo; I just need to give you some dates…

Husband: No, really must run, touching cloth now. Talk to you later. Bye.

Me: B-Bye [Staring incredulously at now dead phone]

And I really wonder why whenever I try to have a serious conversation with the Husband his bowels seem to loosen instantly.

I bet Kate doesn’t ring Wills to have the conversation terminated by such dirty talk.