Havana Club+Coke= No synapses

Today was not a very productive day. I am still suffering from the after effects of Sunday night on the tiles. Havana Club+Coke= No synapses. In the immortal words of the Doors, her “brain is squirming like a toad.”

Because I am so ditsy I kept forgetting things. I spent five minutes explaining “places in cities where people garden and have those glasshouses” because I couldn’t remember the word 'allotment'. In conjunction with losing vocabulary I lost my driver’s licence and then spent majority of the day searching for it. My quest became so dire that I even sifted through a week’s worth of garbage, thinking that as Rooster (my 18 month old nephew) has learnt to put things in the bin this is just the sort of mischief he would concoct. In case you were curious used nappies do not improve with age. Thankfully I found my license and it wasn’t covered in faeces (which was nice). At least in this case it was actually lost unlike the time I spent and hour turning my room upside down looking for a cheque that I had already banked.

With this early onset dementia I’m going to have to start writing myself little reminders. Frau (the 91 year old Crazy German I used to look after, see “I still believe in miracles”) used to write herself little notes when she woke up in the night. One night I met her in the corridor after I had just showered - the sent of patchouli shower gel wafting sweetly off me. Frau eyed me with disdain and prowled around the corridor sniffing suspiciously at the air enquiring if I could smell something…funny.

In the morning I found a little note next to her bed it read:
Cranberry sauce
Foxes
Strange smell in hall from carer
Lights outside
1am itchy feet
Nosebleed

What a mad combination of things to jot down when you should be sleeping. Of course if I had to write a disorientated night time list it would probably go:

22.00 - Earthquake?
22.30 - Strange Noxious Gases – Result of seismic activity?
01.00- Aftershocks?
01.45 - Rustling sounds in dark – thief in room?
06.00 -Strange smell of Almonds?

Upon waking I could probably explain my list more simply as:

22.00 - Earthquake: Husband Snoring
22.30 - Strange Noxious Gases: Husband’s Flatulence
01.00 - Aftershocks: Husband Snoring at 10 second intervals
01.45 - Rustling in dark: Husband ball scratching
06.00 - Strange smell of Almonds: Husband’s morning breath