More Manson than Monroe

It was a particularly lovely Spring morning today. Full of the joys of new beginnings and nature’s bounty I glanced up at my reflection whilst skipping past a mirror. I was horrified to see a brown hairy caterpillar crawling across my face. Frantically slapping at forehead I rushed forward only to discover that this unwanted worm was in fact my very BUSHY right eyebrow. In line with extreme hairgrowth (previously documented in ‘Chill Winston’) right eyebrow has grown faster and bushier than the left, giving me a quizzical and somewhat lopsided appearance. As I have still not found my razor and tweezers appear to have eloped with razor nothing can be done.

Fine, don’t panic except that today is my last day with Lady Pumpernickel. Tomorrow morning the Husband, back from heroics on the high seas, will pick me up and whisk me off to adventures and untold happiness.

Whilst I am obviously giddy with excitement am still a little concerned about my yeti-ish appearance. Am looking less Marilyn Monroe, more Marilyn Manson at present. Not good.

So after much brainstorming I have cunningly decided on a diversionary tactic: Once upon a time I taught English in very rural African school (a very short lived experience). One day whilst wowing my flock of 60 adolescents with my teaching talents, I happened to glance down at a girl in the front row looking up at me beatifically with a dazzling wide smile. After taking in the angelic smile I realized there was something different about this girl, most notably that she had an extra set of bushy eyebrows drawn in with permanent marker mid-forehead.

So in order to fox the Husband will employ African stealth and will stencil in some slick eyebrows at about my third frown line. Thus creating a distinguished and intriguing look, non? He will be so amazed he’ll never notice that his wife has morphed into a silverback gorilla. Foolproof.