Summer Geriatric Style

Things have been hotting up in London town – summer has finally broken through and yesterday we experienced a sweltering 29’C - cue gleeful excitement from this Southern Hemisphere lass. Unfortunately the increase in temperature has been directly proportional to an increase in my blood pressure - as PantyHead has insisted on no fewer than 9 costume changes in one day:

8am – We start the day in a pair of woollen trousers (a tad warm for summer) and a ¾ sleeve peach knit-blend shirt. [Shirt has recently been part of a scandal as PantyHead could not find it and so immediately declared it to have been stolen by the previous Kiwi carer. Tried to explain that no one (except for perhaps Ugly Betty) would want to steal her granny chic salmon knits. PantyHead was adamant that the carer had done it as her friend had once had an au pair who stole an expensive lace christening shawl (and therefore it must be the hired-help). I later found the pink shirt along with it’s identical twins, so we now have 3 salmon summer knits to select from – one of which PantyHead teems with her wool trousers for the day ahead.]

10am – Day is warming up and so is PantyHead. Requires a lighter ‘patterned’ shirt. After scouring her wardrobe I present her with three options, she goes for the button-down Jaeger shirt in an almost Hawaiian print (quite hard on the eyes).

10.15am – Hawaii 5-0 shirt is not allowing for maximum ventilation to the underarms. PantyHead takes off one of her two under vests.

10.45am – Still not feeling the maximum summer cool PantyHead sends me in search of a ‘patterned’ dress. I return with a sleeveless over-knee 1970s frock. We change into new bohemian chic, in process taking off existing vest and swapping it for the other one.

11.00am – PantyHead is now slightly ‘too cool’ and sends me in search of her white sleeveless cardigan. “That’ll do the trick”, she tells me.

11.30am – PantyHead still a bit frigid, she suggests I find her beige sleeveless cardigan, which she dutifully places on top of her white cardigan. To recap she is now in a sleeveless summer dress with two sleeveless cardigans on top. I am tempted to suggest she simply wear one longer sleeved item, but stop myself by imagining the extensive pffaffing that will be required.

[A brief respite from the madness: lunch, my 2 hour break and reluctant return]

4pm – “Ah, Emma so glad to see you, I’m feeling a little cold…” PantyHead suggests that we take off her two cricketing cardigans and her dress, replace her other underlets and then put it all back on again, which we summarily do.

5pm – Still feeling a slight ‘damp on her chest’ PantyHead suggests she get into her warmer dressing gown to watch television in. We decamp her out of 3 layers, leaving 2 under vests and the warm gown.

9pm – Bed time. Alas, PantyHead is still not quite right and suggests she change into her lighter dressing gown. Clad in her summer gown I bid her goodnight.

9.30pm- PantyHead calls me suggesting she has made a grave error and perhaps she should put the other ‘warmer’ gown back on, but lose a vest. At which point I feel the will to live slipping from my grasp…